The Summit
passed the tree line,
within the clouds,
15,000 feet up…
the air becomes thin & hard to breath,
and i feel as if a boulder is laying upon my torso.
unfamiliar forces take control of me,
and millions of needles strike my face
as numbness begins to strangle my wrists and neck.
an invisible freight train clogs the air with noise,
and communication morphs into an impossible task.
i view my surroundings as orange & warm,
yet my other four senses argue.
there are just six words i’ve got to say:
there’s no way this is earth.
within the clouds,
15,000 feet up…
the air becomes thin & hard to breath,
and i feel as if a boulder is laying upon my torso.
unfamiliar forces take control of me,
and millions of needles strike my face
as numbness begins to strangle my wrists and neck.
an invisible freight train clogs the air with noise,
and communication morphs into an impossible task.
i view my surroundings as orange & warm,
yet my other four senses argue.
there are just six words i’ve got to say:
there’s no way this is earth.
It sounds like it was very scary but at the same time I wish I experienced it. Your writing was very descriptive.
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, great picture. Sometimes, a picture as a visual really helps the reader with the imagery in the poem.
ReplyDeleteGreat wording in some areas, like using the word Morph. The visuals in the poem are fluid and easy to understand. The fact that numbness strangles your wrists and neck helps me understand the experience.
Overall, I rate it a 4.5/5, because some parts are gramatically incorrect, such as leaving "i" uncapitalized. :P
I like this line-- I view my surroundings as orange & warm,
ReplyDeleteyet my other four senses argue.